Act Three – Scene One
THE SCENE TAKES PLACE IN A DARK ROOM, WITH WOODEN WALLS. THERE IS A SINGULAR, ROUND WINDOW IN THE FAR WALL, WHICH PROVIDES A LITTLE LIGHT. THREE MEN CAN BE SEEN LAYING ON THE FLOOR.
Brown: (perching in his elbows) Where am I?
Chapman: (rubbing his head) My oh my, that was some session,
Fisher: (yawning) Anyone got the kettle on the fire?
(Men lurch, as if to simulate being caught on a wave)
Brown: Why is the room moving?
Chapman: Noooo!
Fisher: Chapman is that you, what are you doing here? And where is here?
Brown: (pointing) That window, it’s round.
Fisher: Well of course it is. And what are you still doing here Brown? I had enough of you last night! You should be long gone.
Brown: The window is small and round and the room is moving up and down, up and down.
Fisher: He likes to point out the obvious, doesn’t he Chapman?
Chapman: Listen to him Fisher! The window is small and round. The room is moving. And, if I’m not very much mistaken, the sound of waves crashing against the wall is a lot louder than I should like!
Brown: (watching Fisher intently) He’s working it out…
Fisher: Ha! (claps his hands) We did it! We did it! We pressed Brown!
Brown: I pressed you first! I pressed you both. Ha ha!
Chapman: No, we pressed you! You must have just got lucky!
Brown: Me lucky? You jest! There’s two of you!
(Brown dives forward and half-hearted scuffle ensues, interrupted by brief cries of ‘I pressed you.’)
Unseen voice: Ow my head!
Brown: (pausing from the scuffle) Who said that?
Chapman: (gasping for breath) You did!
Brown: Shhhh!
Unseen voice: Ow my poor, poor head!
Fisher: It came from over there!
(A figure crawls into the light, rubbing its head)
Brown, Chapman, Fisher: (simultaneously) It’s Murray!!!
Brown: We’re saved!
Murray: What are you all doing here? Why is this floor so unsteady? What was I drinking?
Chapman: You’d better tell him Fisher. Explain it to him gently.
Fisher: Well you see sir, Brown, Chapman and myself have been pressed sir. It seems that we are at sea sir.
Murray: I know you’ve been pressed. It was all part of my final scheme.
Brown: But you’re here too sir.
Murray: Yes, and?
Fisher: Then is stands to reason that you have been pressed too, sir.
Murray: (In realisation) Ahh!
(The cabin falls silent for a moment. The only sounds are the crashing of the waves and a few squawking gulls.)
Murray: Well gentlemen, I am sorry that I must disturb your reverie. As soon as I show the captain my papers, I shall be placed in a first-class cabin and plans shall be made to secure my passage home.
Brown: Sir?
Murray: My licenses, permits and papers, the ones you are yet to have received (he reaches into in inside pocket) They look a little bit like these. (Begins to unfold papers.)
Fisher: Well that’s jolly nice isn’t it! I’m alright jack and pull up the ladder!
Murray: Aaaarrrggghhh (he let’s out a cry and throws the paper down.)
(Brown picks up the paper)
Fisher: What does it say?
Chapman: Come on Brown, tell us, what does it say!
Brown: Just one word…
Murray: (screams) Maldini!!!
(Murray moves to the front of the stage.)
Murray: And so, this is how is ends. No cell of a rose-clad cottage for me. I am to be made redemptive, to play out my days with these men, the same that I did send to their doom. My fate awaits, but at least I shall face it free. Free from the terrible guilt. Sleep shall, at last, be mine this night.
(The door to the room opens. Murray pulls himself up to his full height and marches smartly towards it. He motions the other men through, pauses, and looks towards the front of the stage with a smile.)
(Exuent)
THE END.
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