I became famous on the same day that I fell into the Tiger Enclosure at my local zoo.
The person who filmed the incident also became famous, but they did not get to be on television.
The presenter asked me what I felt when I came face to face with the Siberian tiger.
“Sad,” I replied.
A zoologist, who was sitting next to me on the couch, explained that I had been sad before I fell in the cage. He said that the tiger was an unusually intuitive feline. It felt my sadness, so did not rip me limb from limb.
Then they played the film from the other famous person. There were screams and people pointing. I didn’t remember any of that.
I saw an image of someone I supposed was me, sitting opposite a giant cat. It did make me remember his hot breath, searing my face. It smelled, I guessed, of meat. I had also not considered that the other tigers had sat around me, in an almost perfect semi-circle.
The presenter nodded and asked if I had been scared?
“Only afterward, when the people started shouting at me. At the time, I just felt sad.”
There was some sniggering in the studio. “Some people on my phone said it would have been better if I were devoured, or at least chewed a bit,” I added, helpfully.
What had made me scratch the tiger behind the ear?
I didn’t know. Perhaps it reminded me of my grandma’s kitty. She was large and orange too.
The zoologist chipped in again. “When Alan scratched the alpha behind the ear, all of the tigers had gone into a collective state of confusion. It was an unprecedented moment for them all.”
Next, there was a brief discussion on mental health provision within the community, I didn’t think that concerned me, so I kept quiet and thought about the feeling of tiger fur. Soft, thick, warm, and misunderstood.
Then, with a fanfare, a curtain went up at the other end of the studio. There was a cage with a lion in it.
“In a moment,” enthused the presenter, “we will be testing the cat whisperer’s talents with a fully grown lion. Come back and see the fun after the break!”
I looked across at the lion, and it gazed back at me. I think we both began to feel sad.